Toinette29
Salut !
Pas mal :rolleyes:
Dans la première phrase tu emploies 2 fois "I'm going to" essaie de varier, "I will explain to you" "let's me to talk about" ça évitera les redondances.
Tu pourrais aussi inclure quelques cool expressions en guise de transition, "last but not least" "when all is said and done" "though" histoire de varier. Pour le reste c'est pas mal, et d'autres te donneront une correction approfondie, mais pense surtout à varier tes tournures, tu as beaucoup tendances à faire du Sujet Verbe Complètement.
Best regards :lol:
fidji45
Bonsoir,
Alexandra et Adrin je fais mon possible demain pour relire et corriger vos productions: impossible ce soir, désolée! :/
Toinette : attention à ce que tu proposes :
"let's me to talk about"
(je te cite) ne veut rien dire ....
Toinette29
Oui oui mea culpa, j'ai un correcteur perso qui me tape sur le système :(
SNTR
Bonjour à tous, je dois préparer ma notion d'anglais "Idea of progress" pour la rentrée. Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider à corriger mes fautes et me dire si mes propos sont pertinents ? Merci d'avance ! :)
My presentation is going to deal with the “Idea of progress”. Indeed, progress can have different meanings, but in general it entails anything which improves our living conditions and society. It can be political, with the development of democracy and the guarantee of liberties, freedom and human rights. Most of the time, we associate progress with technological innovation and achievements. They contribute to the improvement of our working conditions, material comfort and well-being. In class we studied today’s robots, in fact, we are trying to make more and more companion robots, which are more intelligent, with more abilities and more efficient. Moreover, the idea of progress is still subject to debate between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those who think it’s harmful. Therefore, we may ask : should we fear progress ? To answer this question, on the one hand, I’ll mention differents documents that illustrate the many uses of robots and on the other hand I will depict the limits of this system which focus around today’s robots.
First of all, we studied in class two excerpt from the documentary film “A world without humans” by Philippe Borrel. This work allows us to discover the robot Matilda which have different uses. In the first place, it is uses to hire employee in a more precise way. Indeed, the robot asks questions and analyzes the answers by using face recognition thanks to two cameras which are its eyes. It’s more precise than human eyes and detects minutes changes in the applicant’s face to apply for a job. It can help understand how the applicant works and behaviour at work so make the right decision. It the second place, Matilda can be useful in an elderly people’s home. In fact, it can entertain the elderly people, for instance by paying bingo. Throughout the excerpt, we can see Matilda converse with an old lady, advice people on their health or read the newspaper. Finally we studied in class an interview with a robot named Sophia. It’s an interview uploaded by the American TV channel CNBC presenting Sophia, a social humanoid robot fitted with an artificial intelligence. It appears that she is excited to be surrounded by smart, rich and powerful people. Furthemore, she is capable to show many expression to communicate with people, for example she can smile, laugh or let us know if she is angry. During the interview, Sophia explain her objective, I quote : “I want to use my artificial intelligence to help humans live a better life, like build better cities of the future”. Moreover, wisdom, kindness and compassion are human values that composes her artificial intelligence. Therefore, I may add that Sophia was made citizen of Saudi Arabia, a country where women were only recently allowed to drive; as a result we must wonder what are the limits of this system which focus around those robots.
Indeed, this set of documents encourage us to wonder about the limits off robotics. For instance in the case of Matilda, robots guarantee no social interaction. There is no place for improvisation, every question needs to be programmed into the robot software and so the answers cannot be developed. In this way, we may talk about an excerpt from “Reason”, a science fiction novel written by Isaac Asimov and published in 1941. The story takes place in a space station where human want robots to replace them and manage the station without any human intervention, because it’s too dangerous for them to work here. There are 3 characters in the story : a robot which is called Cutie and a human called Powell. There is another human executive in the station, whose name is unknown and who is only mentioned. Cutie is the most intelligent robot ever made and it has been thinking about his origins. It believes that humans were unable to create hum but rather that the station computer made him. Cutie thinks humans will disappear, then robots will take control of the stations. In the meantime, humain will be treated as pets as long as they don’t rebel. Therefore, this excerpt evokes a society completely focused on robots that controls everything while humans are considerate as pets. This novel make people aware that robots can make evolue our society but can also harm human being. As a result, human being could be subservient to machine and be replace by them.
To sum up, I think progress is neither good neither bad because it’s essential to evolve and it’s indispensable for our comfort. The importance is how we use progress; indeed progress can be dangerous when it is abused or out of control. Finally, this set of document, while illustrating the nocion Idea of progress, can also illustrate the nocion Seats and forms of power.
amiraalg
Bonjour, je suis en Terminale ES et je viens de finir de rédiger mon oral de bac sur la notion "idea of Progress" et j'aurais aimé avoir une correction et des avis. Merci pour vos réponses.
I am going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I would like to give a quick definition of that notion. So, the idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. In order to illustrate this notion, we can talk about some documents I studied in class and related to feminism. Therefore, we can wonder to what extent social progress over the past century has led to an improvement in women’s rights? In a first part, we will be concerned with women’s struggle for the right to vote, then we will look at their fighting for an equal pay with men and finally, we’ll highlight that this fight, despite a clear move, is far from over.
The first document is in fact some extracts of a movie entitled « Suffragette » which focuses on women who decided to fight to get the vote in England, in the early 20th century. Indeed, before the end of the 19th century, women were inferior to men and it was normal for everyone. Consequently, they founded a movement named « Suffragette » which seeks to defend women’s rights by requesting the right to vote. These women had seen peaceful protest achieve nothing because the British government refused to support them. In response to this, a committed suffragette, Emmeline Pankhurst decided in 1903, to defy the government violently so as to be heard, realizing that was the only route to change.. Indeed, with the film, the director wants to underline that suffragettes were prepared to go to extreme lengths to have their voices heard: They organized riots, chained themselves to railings, put fire to buildings… Many were sent to prison for the participation in such demonstrations but they continued to fight by embarking on a hunger strike. It was also a failure because they were force fed. They were also willing to lose everything in their fight for equality, even life like Emily Davison who ran in front of the King’s horse in 1913. The 1st World War marked a turning point in this struggle because it enabled women to show that they could take men’s places and do the same job. Mentalities evolved so much so that in 1918, an Act of parliament allowed women over 30 the right to vote. It would take a further 10 years to abolish the age qualification.
By fighting and making sacrifices, these women contributed to a social advance but it’s important not to forget that gaining the right to vote is just a first step in the quest of equality. Actually, women must have to keep fighting to allow progress to move forward.
Then, extracts from the movie « Made in Dagenham » show us that women were discriminated in the second half of the 20th century because, they were less paid than men for an equivalent job. Indeed, it depicts the first labor strike of the auto plant Ford in London and negotiations that their leaders led to get equal pay for men and women. We can see that Rita, their spokeswoman and the leader of the strike tries to convince the Secretary of State for Employment, Mrs Castle, to guarantee an Equal Pay Act because, according to her, a woman's salary should amount to 90% of a man's salary. At first, she’s reluctant and suggests them 75% under the condition that the women go back to work and said that workers will have to be patient because big issues were still in the hands of men.. Rita absolutely refuses and finally they get 92% of the man’s wages. We’ll have to wait 1970 so that the Equal Pay Act was voted. During the 20th century, we are seeing the establishment of other social reforms which have aimed to put men and women on an equal footing, like the authorization of contraceptive pills, the abortion act in 1967 and others. It makes us realize that the society has evolved significantly since the begging of the 20th century and women have obtained several laws in their favor.
Even nowadays, there are still prejudices and discrimination against women. This is highlighted on an advertisement we have seen in class which describes people including women and children who are asked to do something like a girl. The adults pretend to act like a girl by waving hands or flipping hair. However, young girls act out athletic and make no differences between running like a girl or a boy. This advertisement emphasizes that girls lose their self-confidence during adolescence because of prejudices which make them believe that they don’t have to be proud of being a girl. We can also give the example of a campaign which was created by the United Nations named HeForShe and which is intended to involve men in the fight against gender inequality. Emma Watson delivered a speech for this campaign, using example of her life and said that women starting dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want appear «muscly» and she affirms that it's right that women should be able the decisions about their own body.
Those documents were made to raise people’s awareness about current social inequalities between men and women. I totally agree with the idea that although the status of women has evolved, new challenges have emerged, the society impose limits which shoudn't reason to exist and many people especially men, don’t realize that it’s an important and serious cause.
To conclude, we must acknowledge that the struggle for gender equality has contributed to an improvement in women’s rights and mentalities have evolved since the 1900s. But today, too many people think that the world doesn’t need to evolve more in social terms, and the only progress that we need today is in sciences. But they are wrong because it remains today a lot of injustice. The society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete and even today; women have to fight by creating associations and campaigns to make their voices heard.
Physichi
Bonjour,
J’aimerai s’il est possible une correction de ma notion.Encore un grand merci pour votre travail
I'm going to talk about the notion of the idea of progress. First of all, I like to give a definition of the notion. Progress is the concept that the world and the society can improve in terms of sciences, technology and living condition. Firstly, we will see that the medical progress could save life. However, in my last part I will talk about the limit of this concept.
Scientific progress aims to improving and eradicating diseases in the case of medicine. Indeed, in the document "Savior sibling 'cures sick older brother "we saw that the medical progress will save the Charlie's life. Charlie was born with a genetic disease called DBA meaning diamond blackfan anemia.Its a serious disease which affect seven hundred people worldwide. The only cure was a steam cell transplant. The problem of this disease is that nobody was a suitable donor and it was illegal in England too. That's why the Whitaker's family went to USA to do an IVF and select a healthy embryo with the right genetic blueprint. At the end Charlie was given the stem cells and he was cured. This child would have died without this advanced medicine. Thanks to his history, we could think that the medical progress would cure all diseases however it also got disadvantages.
Scientifics innovate sometimes too far and in consequences the right of a community can be corrupted. In the document "fighting for a future "Anna has been giving body parts for years. It started at birth when she donated cord blood cells to save her sister who suffers from leukemia and each time she relapsed. In fact, we understand that Anna was conceived to save her sister. She's a designer baby that's the reason why she bears a grudge against her parents and she doesn't feel love. Here we understand that being a designer baby can be devastating for the siblings who may feel used to provide body parts. At the end she's aware that her sister is going to die if she doesn't give one of her kidneys. However, she doesn't mind because it will never stop, and her sister will always relapse. we also saw an ethical problem in the movie "Gattaca". What's scary is the society, they use the DNA to discriminate people, they can determine where you belong. The main character, Vincent, has been conceived without the way of geneticists. He's considered as an in-valid because he is not perfect. He dreams about being an astronaut, but his imperfection prevents him to make it real.
In conclusion, in the one hand the medical progress is a fantastic thing. This help to cure diseases that we couldn't cure without it. However, we saw in the second part that this advanced medicine raises many ethical issue about medical progress. It is right to conceive people to save other people? Are doctors or families going too far. Finally, in my opinion we can use progress provided that not corrupt our rights .
fidji45
Bonjour
Voilà trois messages (pour le premier, je n'avais pas le temps de jeter un œil à l'époque mais il n'est jamais trop tard les épreuves du bac n'ayant pas commencé)qui se suivent , chaque élève postant sa "notion" sans voir que la précédente n'a pas été corrigée....
Je ne suis pas pour "first arrived, first served " qui serait ici "last arrived , last served" ....pas facile...si vous , élèves ajoutez vos textes les uns derrière les autres et que je corrige celui ou celle avant vous , souvent la personne ne le voit pas (même si je mets en mp : devoir corrigé)
Temps perdu ...
pour Psysichi
The notion of Progress
I'm going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I WOULD like to give a definition of the notion. Progress is the concept that the world and the society can improve in terms of sciences, technology and living conditions. Firstly, we will see that the medical progress CAN save liVES. However, in my last part I will talk about the limits TO this concept.
Scientific progress aims AT improving and eradicating diseases in the case of medicine. Indeed, in the document "Savior sibling 'cures sick older brother "we saw that the medical progress will save the Charlie's life. Charlie was born with a genetic disease called DBA meaning diamond blackfan anemia.Its a seVERE disease which affectS seven hundred people worldwide. The only cure IS a steam cell transplant. The problem of this disease is that nobody IS a suitable donor and a donation IS illegal in England too. That's why the Whitaker's family went to USA to do an IVF and select a healthy embryo with the right genetic blueprint. At the end Charlie was given the stem cells and he was cured. This child would have died without this advanced medicine. Thanks to his STORY, we TEND TO think that the medical progress CAN cure all diseases however it also HAS disadvantages.
Scientifics innovate sometimes too far and THE consequences ARE THAT the rightS of a community(laquelle??) can be corrupted. In the document "fighting for a future "Anna has been giving parts of her body for years. It started at birth when she donated cord blood cells to save her sister who sufferED from leukemia and each time HER SISTER relapsed. In fact, we understand that Anna was conceived to save her sister. She's a designer baby that's the reason why she bears a grudge against her parents and she doesn't feel love. Here we understand that being a designer baby can be devastating for the siblings who may feel used to provide body parts (je n'aime pas cette tournure , peut-être est elle plus juste que "parts of her body" mais à toi de trancher). At the end she's aware that her sister is going to die if she doesn't give one of her kidneys. However, she doesn't mind because it will never stop, and her sister will always relapse(well then she minds :you said she was angry and now we learn that her sacrifices are vain) We also saw an ethical problem in the movie "Gattaca". What is scary is the society(que veux tu dire par ce mot?) they use the DNA to discriminate people, they can determine where you belong. The main character, Vincent, has been conceived without the HELP of geneticists. He's considered as an invalid because he is not perfect. He dreams about being an astronaut, but his imperfection prevents him to make it real from reaching his goals.
In conclusion, ON the one hand the medical progress is a fantastic thing. IT helpS to cure diseases that we couldn't HAVE cureD OTHERWISE without it. However,ON THE OTHER HAND we saw in the second part that this advanced medicine raises many ethical issueS about medical progress. It isIS IT right to conceive people to save other people? Are doctors or families going too far ?Finally, in my opinion we can use progress provided that WE DO NOT not corrupt OTHER PEOPLE 'S rights .
Conseils : prépare toi à parler du vaste trafic d'organes qui existe , des pauvres qui se mutilent pour faire vivre leur familles
Peut-être aussi sur la loi en France (vois ce qui existe en Angleterre) où nous sommes tous "donneurs" d'office à moins d'avoir fait une démarche contre cela.
Eclaircis cette idée de la jeune fille qui est "utilisée" pour sauver sa sœur vouée à la mort (car les greffes échouent) Cette jeune fille est-elle ou n'est-elle pas en colère . "she doesn't mind veut dire que cela lui est égal ,or tu as dit qu'elle était en colère et ne recevait pas d'amour , ce qui est contradictoire: éclaircis cela)
C'est bien , l'anglais est fluide....n'oublie pas de bien citer tes documents (date, sources) ;)
lilou455
Bonjour tout le monde !! J'ai vraiment besoin d'aide pour ma notion d'anglais donc si quelqu’un pouvait m'aider ça serait vraiment sympa de votre merci, voila. PS; j'ai vraiment l'impression que l'ensemble n'est pas organisé et coherent du fait que je n'ai pas de sous partie
I am going to talk about the idea of progress. First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion:The word "progress" derives from the Latin "progressus" and suggests an improvement, or a change – for instance technical (advances in communication: the internet, social media, mobile phones, video games),or scientific changes, in the medical field for instance. A progress can also cover social advances ( equality, women’s rights, human rights, minority rights, )and therefore contribute to making the world a better place. However, the idea of progress is still debate between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those for whom it’s harmful
In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about transhumanism and attempt to answer the question : Does progess and science represent a danger for our society and humanity in general ?
First of all, we'll see that progress is essential to evolve and does not represent a danger for humanity. History is made of progress and evolution that have allowed the world to be what it’s today. Thanks to advances in sciences, medicine has become much more efficient and accessible, medical advances that benefit for sick people to have a better life with pacemakers for example.
We saw in class that progrss in science can be very benefical for parent carrying diaseas who want to have healhty child thank to PGD pre-implantation genetic diagnosis which consists in creating embryos in a lab by fertilizing a woman’s eggs with sperm.
Then PGD CAN eliminate diseases so this technique is positive, it predict genetic diseases and ensure the future baby is healthy. PGD is here a great progress because it allows to cure or to save people.
We also see that the idea of progress is related to transhumanism, an international social movement of people trying to use technology and science to improve human condition.
transhumanism is used to improve our natural capacities, natural intelligence can be replace with artificial intelligence to make us more intelligent than we already are. Then trashumanism can be seen as a positive progress in the way that it will improve our lives and correct a lot of problem for sick people by creating artificial limbs or bionics heart for example
That's why progress is usually considered as having a positive effect on our society, it's the idea that the world can evolve positively basically progres is the action of going forward.
However scientific progress has also many drawbacks and can represent a real danger for humanity
First because like we saw previoulsly PGD is postive because he can help a lot of parents but we saw in class that this technic is also used to select the the traits of the future baby.
So we can change physical trate of our baby such as blue eyes, blond hair or gender it depends on what parents want they can even choose his intelligence, it could become a way of making a designer baby. But hair and eye colour more generally our physicals traits are just cultural and subjective.One of the dangers might be to reach "eugenism". Why not imagine that one day, an embryo might be killed because once born, he won't be blue eyed? We saw in class that remind us nazi eugenics were the “impure” were killed.
Beside there is a moral and ethical problem here. This would standerize society where everyone is beautiful and intelligent and destroye human diversity
But it's actually our impefection in society that make us human, special human. It's what the movie Gattaca that we saw in class explain us indeed Vincent despite his imperfections and differences achieved his dream after working hard. But today with progress in science people can have plastic surgery just to look perfect. Then science is a big danger because it make us loose our humanity
Scientific progress is also negative because it's create inequality indeed we saw that only the rich can afford pgd technique because the feese is costly.
So inequalities are created because some people don't have enough money to pay for this.
Thenn It can cause discrimination between people who benefited of genetic sélection change and other people who doesn't have the chance to have it.
Likewise, if only the rich can have access to intelligence and beauty what would happen to society
Beside some evolution can create a real problem for humanity indeed we saw that With transhumanism eternal life may soon be possible but it's gonna cause overpopulation in the world,wouldn't it be "a solution" to resort to "natural selection" and leave "mother nature" work by himself? Indeed we saw that according to Darwin's theory that evolution happened by natural selection,we evolved from simple life forms which, from mutation to mutations evolved into more complex beings: animals (including human)
Scientist progress can also lead us to an Apolacptic world with super intelligent AI can be an arm race used by other nations.
To conclude I's say that progress in science does not represent a danger for our society but instead is essential and postive because it alows us to evolve positively and improve our lives Put into the hands of human beings, that knowledge can be used for medicine or great advances. Then Progres and science are positive if they still stays in sight of the purpose of humanity.
It’s not scientific knowledge that is either good or evil, but the application of it that can represent a danger for our humanity limits and moral boundaries have to be respected
Therefore, it must be used with responsability.
fidji45
pour lilou455
Bonjour je te propose quelques modifications:
I am going to talk about the idea of progress. First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion:The word "progress" derives from the Latin "progressus" and suggests an improvement, or a change – for instance technical ,social,or scientific changes, in the medical field for instance. I wold like to underline the idea of progress in the medical field because it s widely debated between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those for whom it’s harmful and see to what extent we can go.
In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about transhumanism and attempt to TACKLE the question : Does progress and science represent a danger for our society and humanity in general OR NOT ?
First of all, we'll see that progress is essential to evolve and does not represent a danger for humanity(j'enlève ceci car tu "réponds" à la question:or il faut présenter en effet des arguments "pros and cons " et ensuite "trancher"). History is made of progress and evolution that have allowed the world to be what it’s today. Thanks to advances in sciences, medicine has become much more efficient and accessible, medical advances that ARE BENEFICIAL TO sick people to have a better life with pacemakers for example.
We saw in class that SCIENTIFIC progrEss can be very beneficIal for parents carrying diaseasES who want to have healhty childREN thankS to PGD(= pre-implantation genetic diagnosis) which consists in creating embryos in a lab by fertilizing a (la femme du couple, une autre femme?) woman’s eggs with sperm.(là tu dois absolument citer tes sources, doc, dates etc...)MOREOVER PGD CAN eliminate diseases so this technique is positive, it predictS genetic diseases and ensureS THAT the future baby is healthy. PGD is here a great progress because it allows to cure or to save people.
We also see that the idea of progress is related to transhumanism, an international social movement of people trying to use technology and science to improve human condition.(quel texte..etc..)
Transhumanism is used to improve our natural capacities, natural intelligence WHICH can be replaceD BY artificial intelligence to make us more intelligent than we already are. Then trashumanism can be seen as a positive progress in the way that it will improve our lives and correct a lot of problemS for sick people by creating artificial limbs or bionics heart for example
That's why progress is usually considered as having a positive effect on our society: it's the idea that the world can evolve positively basically progres is the action of going forward.THE QUESTION IS HOW FAR CAN WE GO?
AS WE HAVE JUST SEEN, PGD CAN BE postive because IT can help a lot of parents but we saw in class that this technic is also used to select the the traits of the future baby.(document ...etc)
So we can change the physical traits of A baby such as blue eyes, blond hair or gender: it depends on what parents want. They can even choose his intelligence, it could become a way of making a designer baby. (j'ai enlevé la phrase qui suivait , peu claire et qui ne permettait pas d'aller "straight to the point") .HOWEVER the MAIN danger IS TO SELECT PEOPLE . Why not imagine that one day, an embryo might be killed because once born, he won't be blue -eyed? We saw in class HOW HITLER JUSTIFIED THE KILLING(je crois qu'au début ,il s'agissait d'abord de les stériliser puis on les a tués : à vérifier) OF "IMPURE" CHILDREN AND ADULTS CALLED EUGENISM(TO AVOID THEM FROM GIVING BIRTH) AND THIS SELECTION BEFORE OR JUST AFTER BIRTH IS EUGENISM!
SO there is an moral and(moral=ethical) ethical problem here. This would standerdize society where everyone is SUPOSSEDLY beautiful and intelligent and destroy human diversity
Our impefections IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN AND SPECIAL(je simplifie). It's what the movie Gattaca(year, producer etc...) that we WATCHED in class explainS : indeed Vincent despite his imperfections and differences achieves his dream after working hard. But today with scientific progress people ARE THREATENED TO LOSE THEIR HUMANITY.
MOREOVER ONLY RICH PEOPLE COULD AFFORD PGD TECHNIQUES AND A WIDE GAP WOULD SEPARATE EVEN MORE RICH AND POOR.(j'ai enlevé trois-quatre lignes car tu te répètes et attention au temps imparti! OK ?)
ANOTHER DREADFUL ASPECT OF transhumanism cold be the issue of BEING ETERNAL. WE KNOW THAT WE ARE HEADING TOWARDS OVERPOPULATION SO IT SEEMS EXTREMELY ABSURD TO TEND TO BE WANT TO LIVE FOREVER . (là je n'en dirais pas plus car tu ajoutes des éléments qui semblent assez évidents et poutant tu dévies aussi aussi de to sujet)
(fais attention: tu utilises des structures comme "gonna" qui sont à bannir à l'écrit comme à l'oral :on attend de toi un anglais de qualité à l'écrit comme à l'oral :pas de gonna ou wanna . C'est comme si tu écrivais en français "j'sais pas "(c'est même pire que ça ! :/ )
To conclude I THINK that SCIENTIFIC progress does not represent a danger for our society AS LONG AS WE KEEP A FIRM GRIP ON IT AND RESPECT THE NATURAL CYCLES OF LIFE WITHOUT TRYING TO INTERFERE IN A DRASTIC WAY WITH NATURE.
Conseils: c'est vrai que tu as tendance à te disperser et à trop vouloir en dire . En fait il faut que chaque fois que tu avances une idée ,tu aies un texte à l'appui et que tu en retiennes un ou deux points . J'ai également raccourci ton introduction qui était trop longue.
Progress in science:scientific progress
Voilà dis moi ce que tu en penses ;)(essaie de te chronométrer pour voir ce que cela donne: avec des "hésitations" -non pénalisées au bac- cela devrait aller)
lilou455
Merci énormément pour votre correction cela m'a été d'une grande aide . Il est vrai que j'ai tendance à trop vouloir en dire mais je pense que cela est poussé par ma volonté a obtenir une très bonne note. Donc voila j'ai apporté ci dessous les modifications que vous m'avez prescrites. Puis une dernière question est ce qu'il est nécessaire d’utiliser de tous les document pour l'oral car étant donné que mon texte est déjà assez long j'ai peur de ne pas respecter le temps.
I am going to talk about the idea of progress. First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion:The word "progress" derives from the Latin "progressus" and suggests an improvement, or a change – for instance technical ,social,or scientific changes, in the medical field for instance. I would like to underline the idea of progress in the medical field because it s widely debated between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those for whom it’s harmful and see to what extent we can go.
In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about transhumanism and attempt to tackle the question : Does progress and science represent a danger for our society and humanity in general or not ?
To answer that question firstly we'll see advantages of progress in sience and secondly we will analyse the drawbacks that can engender scientific progress.
First of all, we'll see that progress is essential to evolve. History is made of progress and evolution that have allowed the world to be what it’s today. Thanks to advances in sciences, medicine has become much more efficient and accessible, medical advances that are beneficial to sick people to have a better life with pacemakers for example.
we have listened a recording called How far can we go in genetic selection? where a woman, Maria, gives her opinion on genetic selection.
This document hihglight the fact that scientific progress can be very beneficial for parents carrying diaseases who want to have healhty children thanks to PGD(= pre-implantation genetic diagnosis) which consists in creating embryos in a lab by fertilizing a mothers’s eggs with sperm, after genetic analysis of the embryos so formed, only those free of defect are implanted in the mother'swomb. Moreover PGD can eliminate diseases so this technique is positive, it predicts genetic diseases and ensures that the future baby is healthy. PGD is here a great progress because it allows to cure or to save people.
We also saw in an webarticle:the science of tranhumanism that the idea of progress is related to transhumanism, an international social movement of people trying to use technology and science to improve human condition.
Transhumanism is used to improve our natural capacities, natural intelligence which can be replaced by artificial intelligence to make us more intelligent than we already are. Then trashumanism can be seen as a positive progress in the way that it will improve our lives and correct a lot of problems for sick people by creating artificial limbs or bionics heart for example
That's why progress is usually considered as having a positive effect on our society: it's the idea that the world can evolve positively basically progres is the action of going forward.
The question here is how far can we go ?
As we have just seen, PGD can be postive because it can help a lot of parents but we also saw in the same audio of Maria that this technic is as well used to select the traits of the future baby.
So we can change the physical traits of a baby such as blue eyes, blond hair or gender: it depends on what parents want. They can even choose his intelligence, it could become a way of making a designer baby. However the main danger is to select people. Why not imagine that one day, an embryo might be killed because once born, he won't be blue -eyed? We saw in class in a document called Nazi eugenics from the website alphahistory.com how nazi social policies were strongly influenced by the eugenics moevement, then after sterilization hitler justified the most drastic pahse of the nazi eugenics program, euthanasia of « impure » children and adults called eugenism to avoid them of giving birth
So there is an ethical problem here. This would standerdize society where everyone is supossedly beautiful and intelligent and destroy human diversity
Our impefections are what makes us human and special. It's what the American movie Gattaca about science fiction film realised in 1997 byAndrew Niccol that we have watched in class explain.The film presents a biopic vision of a future society driven by eugenics where potential children are conceived through genetic selection to ensure they possess the best hereditary traits of their parents. In the movie the main character Vincent despite his imperfections and differences achieves his dream after working hard. But today with scientific progress people are threatened to lose their humanity
Morever only rich peole could afford PGD techniques and a wide gap would separate even more rich and poor.
Another dreadful aspect of transhumanism could be the issue of being eternal. We know that we are heading towards overpopulationso it seems extremely absurd to tend to want to live forever (du coup devrais je ou pas garder cette partie qui dévie du sujet)
To conclude I think that scientific progress does not represent a danger for our society as long as we keep a firm grip on it and respect the natural cycles of life without trying to interfere in a drastic way with nature.
fidji45
Bonsoir
Tu dois juste te munir de tes documents (et connaître leurs sources) Dans un oral on ne parle pas "dans le vide" . Il y a des choses que tu peux enlever :mais là c'est à toi de choisir.
La quantité n'est jamais synonyme de qualité :il faut en dire assez pour délimiter un sujet et bien le traiter et le fait de respecter un temps précis démontre que tu sais respecter les consignes.
Je te conseille de te "chronométrer" car il serait dommage que tu ne finisses pas ton argumentation. N'hésite pas à enlever tout ce qui ne concerne pas le sujet ;
Les oraux de langue se déroulent dans un climat convivial (nous recevons toujours des consignes dans ce sens )
;)
lili34
BJR JAI BESOIN DAIDE JE PASSE VENDREDI
I am going to talk about the idea of progress. First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion: "progress" suggests an improvement, or a change – for instance technical, social, or scientific changes, in the medical field for instance. I would like to underline the idea of progress in the medical field because it's widely debated between those who consider that it’s beneficial and those for whom it’s harmful and see to what extent we can go.
In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about transhumanism and attempted to tackle the question : Do progress and science represent a danger for our society and humanity in general ?
To answer that question firstly I will talk of the advantages of progress in sience and secondly I will focus on the drawbacks that can engender scientific progress.
First of all, progress is essential to evolve. Thanks to advances in sciences, medicine has become much more efficient and accessible, medical advances that are beneficial to sick people.
A recording that we've listened to in class called How far can we go in genetic selection? where a woman, Maria, gives her opinion on genetic selection shows its perfectly. Indeed this document hihglights the fact that scientific progress can be very beneficial for parents carrying diaseases who want to have healhty children thanks to PGD(= pre-implantation genetic diagnosis). Then PGD can eliminate genetic diseases so this technique is positive, it, as a matter of fact ensures that the future baby is healthy.
Morever, we also saw in an webarticle called the science of tranhumanism that the idea of progress is related to transhumanism, an international social movement of people trying to use technology and science to improve human condition. Then trashumanism can be seen as a positive progress in the way that it will improve our lives and correct a lot of problems for sick people by creating artificial limbs or bionics heart for example.
That's why progress is usually considered as having a positive effect on our society: it's the idea that the world can evolve positively. The question here is how far can we go ?
As we have just seen, PGD can be postive because it can help a lot of parents but we also studied in the same audio of Maria that this technic is used to select the traits of the future baby as well.
So we can change the physical traits of a baby such as blue eyes, blond hair or gender: it depends on what parents want. They can even choose his intelligence, it could become a way of making a designed baby. However the main danger is to select people. Why not imagine that one day, an embryo might be killed because once born, he won't be blue -eyed? That's what the Nazis did indeed we saw in an article called Nazi eugenics from the website alphahistory how nazi social policies were strongly influenced by the eugenics movement.
So there is an ethical problem here. This would standerdize society where everyone is supossedly beautiful and intelligent and destroy human diversity.
Yet,our impefections are what makes us human and special. It's what the American movie Gattaca realised in 1997 by Andrew Niccol explain. Indeed in the movie the main character Vincent despite his imperfections and differences achieves his dream after working hard. But today with scientific progress people are threatened to lose their humanity.
To conclude I think that scientific progress does not represent a danger for our society as long as
we keep a firm grip on it and respect the natural cycles of life without trying to interfere in a drastic way with nature.
fidji45
Vraiment?
Vous attendez que je corrige des idées déjà corrigées pour la notion de Lilou ? Votre copié-collé me semble dans l'ensemble correct :/
J'ai l'habitude de reconnaître ma patte du premier coup d'œil ...."to have a firm grip on..."the question is how far we can go"etc...
Par contre en voulant "un peu" brouiller les pistes ,certaines de vos phrases confondent cause et conséquence et vous oubliez des éléments.
Oui les tricheurs ça existe on le sait, mais cette année ça PLEUT!!
I shut my mouth sinon on va me dire que je suis pas gentille :cool:
emmatwo
Bonjour, je suis en terminale et je passe mon oral d'anglais la semaine prochaine, j'aimerais savoir si la notion que j'ai écrite ne comporte pas trop de fautes et si c'est compréhensible, merci d'avance pour votre aide
Idea of progress:
I will present the notion idea of progress that we studied this year. Progress is a forward movement, an advance or a development, it’s a gradual betterment, a progressive development for humankind. But we could ask ourselves: to what extent do scientific discoveries represent progress for humans?
In centuries, lots of scientific works have been developed in different departments, like the birth department, the medical department, the transport department, etc. For example, in the birth department, with scientific breakthroughs, today it’s possible to eradicate or try to eradicate genetic diseases and save future lives of lots of embryos and children. Because we can have an implantation of a healthy embryo with the new technology called PGD and the discovery of this practice.
It’s the same as for the medical department, today with new medicines we can cure lots of nasty diseases (like cancer, diabetes) and we can prevent some of these diseases thanks to the vaccination for example. So, these discoveries in the birth department and the medical department are huge progress for humans because it’s a gradual betterment which saves lives.
However, a part of these finds is used to cheat the system, like doping and make the scientific breakthroughs a danger for humans and society. Originally doping drugs are often used to cure diseases but afterward these medicines are diverted from their original purpose. To illustrate, we can take the example of the famous cyclist Lance Armstrong who presumably took drugs which had served him to cure his cancer. With this use of medicine we can see that scientific discoveries do not necessarily represent positive progress for humans. The doping is negative for persons who can become addicts, on top of that, a huge number of medicines in the blood can destroy the health of these persons. So with this bad practice, scientific discoveries can represent a danger for humans.
So, we can say that scientific discoveries represent a progress for humans but a little part of their discoveries is a danger for humans because people cheat the system (in sport for example with drugs to be the best).
marion.correia
Bonjour je suis en terminale S j'aimerai avoir vos commentaires ainsi que vos corrections sur mon introduction ainsi que sur première grande partie afin de savoir si je suis bien partie. la notion est l'idée de progrès merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
We are going to deal with the notion « Idea of progress ».
To begin with, I’ld like to give a definition of the notion.
Progress is a steady evolution towards a better stage. In relation to the notion, the subject of my presentation will be sport performances.
We may wonder to what extent the tendency to push sports limits further can be seen as progress ?
PLAN
Sport has always played a major part in a nation’s fame. Indeed, a successful athlete sets a great example of a country’s power. Sport is tightly linked with the notion of progress since an athlete is bound to always improve his performances. An athlète is bound to always improve his performances.
In her Christmas speech in 2010, Queen Elizabeth laid the emphasis on the importance of sport. She stressed the fact that it brings people together and creates a sense of community. The positive values of sport are often put forward to set the example among teenagers. Is thus considered as a means to teach youngsters how to play by the rules or how to respect others. In a nutshell, they help to improve their general behaviour.
Another beneficial evolution lays in the fact that the paralympic sports have achieved greater and greater success among the public. Indeed, the London 2012 Paralympic Games were more publicized than the previous Olympic Games in Beijing. In other words, advertisers were willing to invest more money on these games, aware that that it would be lucrative. The South African double amputee Oscar Pistorius, nicknamed the « Blade Runner » was an example of this success in so far as he was the first athlete to compete both in the Olympic Games and in the Paralympic Games. Even if that double entry turned out to be highly controversial, it proved that scientific progress will help to bridge the gap between ablebodied athletes and disabled athletes. For all these reasons, athletes should feel proud to represent their countries during the Olympic Games for instance.
What’s more, in order to remain in the lead and to have interesting contracts, some sportsmen and women seem ready to go beyond the ethic limits. Actually, they are expected to make great efforts to succeed and fulfill the public’s expectation. Some might be tempted, or even forced to use drugs to enhance their performance. The point is that besides endangering the athletes’ health, doping corrupts the ideal of fairness and integrity, values which are supposedly embodied by sport.
In the second part (audio ethic at sport) toute les conséquences physique sur le dopage puis the document trapped
fidji45
Marion
Je viens de passer un certain temps à corriger votre première notion (où il est déjà question du discours de la Reine Elizabeth)
et où votre argumentaire est incomplet
Votre prof ne vous a certainement pas encouragée à reprendre les mêmes textes pour les mêmes notions !!
De plus mettre en argumentation Oscar Pistorius .....peut-être serait-il bien de savoir qui est vraiment cet athlète et connaître sa réputation .
Merci donc de finir vos notions . :rolleyes:
Avant vous pour la première notion Places and Exchanges, un élève attendait une réponse . Sans le vouloir vous avez bloqué toute possibilité de ma part de corriger son texte ,en ajoutant le vôtre juste derrière .
Pourriez vous donc répondre à mes indications ? Par un ok (cela suffit à dégager un espace de réponse)
De plus, le travail que je fournis comme celui des autres intervenants est bénévole .
J'avoue que je suis déçue et très surprise : je veux bien donner de mon temps en plus de mon travail quand je le peux . je reçois alors a minima un "merci" suivi d'échanges souvent sympathiques .
Je pourrai éventuellement trouver du temps pour vous guider mais il me faut d'abord une notion écrite en entier par vos soins (avec des textes adaptés et uniques-je suis en cela les exigeances du baccalauréat)
marion.correia
Rebonjour Fidji
Veuillez m’excusez je suis nouvelle je ne savais pas que mon message allait bloquer les postes des autres aternautes
Je vous remercie de l’attention que vous prenez sur mes synthèses ainsi que le temps que vous mettez en corrigeant et en expliquant
Au sujet des documents ma professeur m’a conseillé de prendre de prendre un document dans deux synthèses car ça fait moins de choses ou d’idées différentes à apprendre car j’ai beaucoup du mal avec l’anglais
Du moins quand ça a un sens dans la problématique
Merci encore et demain je publie mes synthèses complètes grâce à tous vos conseils
fidji45
Marion
Relisez bien : je ne vous reproche pas le fait d'avoir bloqué un autre élève pour Places and Exchanges : le site est ainsi conçu que je ne peux proposer mon aide que lorsque que je reçois une réponse .
De plus une certaine logique voudrait que chacun veille à attendre son tour . Si je ne réponds pas dans la foulée à une personne , elle va avoir du mal à savoir où se trouve le corrigé éventuel (et cela même si je l'avertis par messagerie: souvent les élèves oublient de la consulter )
Vous avez ajouté un mot :ok c'est parfait . Je pourrai corriger la notion de Blue Vox qui était juste avant la vôtre.
J'ai lu ce que vous avez produit pour "Idea of progress" ...je m'étonne que vous vous perceviez comme une élève en difficulté car il y a très peu d'erreurs et l 'argumentation est claire . Dans mon lycée , nous encourageons les élèves à explorer des textes différents pour chaque notion , l'essentiel étant avant tout non pas de "reprendre" ce qui a été vu et de le réutiliser (en duplicata) mais de vous forger une problématique personnelle :je vous conseille encore une fois de vous interroger sur la pertinence de parler d'Oscar Pistorius dans l'idée de progrès (il a tiré dans la porte de sa salle de bains par crainte" (!!) et a tuée sa petite amie) Je vous laisse découvrir la suite mais sachez qu'il n'a pas hésité lors de son procès à mettre en avant son handicap pour expliquer son geste (bad , really bad stuff)
Il faut de plus chercher une problématique , un angle d'attaque :avantages d'une coté et inconvénients de l'autre est un plan trop simple, pas une problématique.
C''est cela qui fera la richesse de votre notion et vous apportera des points : une notion personnalisée où avec les documents que vous avez étudiés ,vous construisez une argumentation originale .
Vous avez participé à l"élabortaion d'unTPE :il ne s'agissait pas de "dérouler" des idées mais de présenter un thème en le questionnant le plus avant possible: c'est aussi ce que l'on vous demande lors de vos oraux de langue.
marion.correia
Bonjour voici ma synthèse j'aimerai avoir vos avis ainsi que vos corrections merci d'avance (j'ai pour l'instant laissé Pistorious en attente de recherche pour un autre athlètes)
We are going to deal with the notion « Idea of progress ».
To begin with, I’ld like to give a definition of the notion.
Progress is a steady evolution towards a better stage. In relation to the notion, the subject of my presentation will be sport performances.
We may wonder to what extent the tendency to push sports limits further can be seen as progress ?
PLAN
Sport has always played a major part in a nation’s fame. Indeed, a successful athlete sets a great example of a country’s power. Sport is tightly linked with the notion of progress since an athlete is bound to always improve his performances. An athlète is bound to always improve his performances.
In her Christmas speech in 2010, Queen Elizabeth laid the emphasis on the importance of sport. She stressed the fact that it brings people together and creates a sense of community. The positive values of sport are often put forward to set the example among teenagers. Is thus considered as a means to teach youngsters how to play by the rules or how to respect others. In a nutshell, they help to improve their general behaviour.
Another beneficial evolution lays in the fact that the paralympic sports have achieved greater and greater success among the public. Indeed, the London 2012 Paralympic Games were more publicized than the previous Olympic Games in Beijing. In other words, advertisers were willing to invest more money on these games, aware that that it would be lucrative. The South African double amputee Oscar Pistorius, nicknamed the « Blade Runner » was an example of this success in so far as he was the first athlete to compete both in the Olympic Games and in the Paralympic Games. Even if that double entry turned out to be highly controversial, it proved that scientific progress will help to bridge the gap between ablebodied athletes and disabled athletes. For all these reasons, athletes should feel proud to represent their countries during the Olympic Games for instance.
What’s more, in order to remain in the lead and to have interesting contracts, some sportsmen and women seem ready to go beyond the ethic limits. Actually, they are expected to make great efforts to succeed and fulfill the public’s expectation. Some might be tempted, or even forced to use drugs to enhance their performance. we will now see through an audio document( ethic at sport) the effects of doping on health.Doping allows superhuman records but it's not without repercussion. we can mention cancers, sterility
The point is that besides endangering the athletes’ health, doping corrupts the ideal of fairness and integrity, values which are supposedly embodied by sport.
Indeed the document „Trapped on the track“ who is a cartoon denounce the dopping. The cartoon shows the first two athletes fell into the syringe. according to my point of view I see an interpretation firstly both athletes they doped themselves and therefore they are not rewarded because they fall
and will not win the race
To conclude (pourriez vous me donner des pistes de réflexions je sèche un peu pour la conclusion)
fidji45
Bonsoir
Tu décides de chercher un remplaçant à Pistorius (qui est en prison …) alors commence par enlever cette partie de ton argumentaire pour y voir plus clair;
Ton idée de départ était de démontrer que la technologie pouvait permettre à Pistorius de s'aligner avec les meilleurs compétiteurs valides :or, là n'est pas le but (ni la gloire) du handi-sport .
Change d'idée : le sport et ses côtés bénéfiques (ok) puis tu ajoutes :en handi-sport les technologies nouvelles permettent aux sportifs handicapés d 'atteindre de nouvelles performances .
Voilà, le tour est joué!
Tu sais un athlète handi-sport se met en grand danger avec ces nouvelles technologies : je pense au ski par exemple où les positions sont très inconfortables, pénibles et où les athlètes sont en équilibre plus que précaire.
Tu trouveras facilement sur Wikipedia des exemples absoluments fascinants de très grands champions handi-sport.
Pour ta conclusion:il ne faut pas reprendre les arguments déjà avancés (ok?) Donne ton avis: c'est cela le but recherché par cet exercice
ex ; Pense -tu qu'il est possible de battre de nouveaux records ou les athlètes ont-ils atteint des limites humaines (que mène un produit énergisant légal ne peut pousser davantage)
ou encore : certains athlètes ont des records absolus :Prenons Teddy Riner . La préparation physique est un atout mais au fond qu'est-ce qui permet à cet athlète de continuer sa route , Le mental / les sacrifices / les entraînements rébarbatifs dés le plus jeune âge
Voilà quelques pistes
